C is for Charisma
I’m so jealous of my relatives and my friends. They have so much confidence in them. You can tell by the way they talk, and the way they act. They are all so suave. I wish I could also be as smooth and as cool as them. Outgoing, enthusiastic and so laid back, while I’m so stoic, aloof and alone. Like the Taal volcano, I’m surrounded by a lake of faces. I’m unable to move and speak freely because I feel as if everything I will say will come out the wrong way. And they do. Every time I open my mouth, it’s either I offend somebody or make a fool of myself; I know, I’m so pathetic. I plan conversations in my head; they seem so perfect at first, but when I try to act it out, it goes all wrong because the person I’m talking to won’t follow my script. So I’m like, ‘Okay, I think I should adlib.’ And then it gets all awkward because there will be long, uncomfortable pauses after I speak. Gosh, why didn’t I get any of my Dad’s ‘SOCIAL SKILLS GENES”? I’m too timid but at the same time, I’m stubborn and arrogant. But my pride is just a front I use so I wouldn’t look like a weakling.
